Modern Hero of the Week: Big Poppa Plunger!

Every week we here at Modern Hero News Network like to honor just that certain special kind of asshole with a certain special kind of asshole award. This week’s unfortunate contribution to the gene pool is:

Modern Hero of the Week: Big Poppa Plunger – Todd Anthony Gerleman

Big Poppa Plunger is going to pump. You. Up.

Big Poppa Plunger is going to pump. You. Up.

Story stolen from Deadspin.

“Black Hawk County sheriff’s deputies arrested Todd Anthony Gerleman, 44, Friday morning at the jail for distributing a controlled substance to a minor.

Investigators became interested in Gerleman in November 2008 after they were called to an assault that involved his 14-year-old son, according to records.

The boy had assaulted his mother at her Gilbertville home Nov. 19, and officers who responded found a syringe and 105 pills in the boy’s bedroom, court records state.

The teen told authorities his father gave him the pills during an earlier weekend visitation, records state.

The father “admitted to bringing the needle and pills from his residence … and supplying them to ‘motivate’ his son about sports,” according to court records.”

That’s the kind of dedication to making the world a better place we here at MHNN can stand behind, and that’s why we’re awarding you with the Modern Hero of the Week award. It comes with a nickname! And…. Uhm… A nickname!

Yeah, that’s all we’ve got.

I’ve got to admit though, the story would be so much more worthy of a made for television Disease of the Week flick if he had turned against the father at some point.

Adds the whole dramatic “this is what you turned me into father! rwarrarrrr!!! (SMASH)” angle to it.

Just sayin’.

Honorable Mention: The Faux Crasher – Marcus Schrenker

The Faux Crasher posts to YouTube only seconds before exploding Area 51 and forerver thwarting the alien invasion.

The Faux Crasher posts to YouTube only seconds before bombing Area 51 and forever thwarting the alien Ir's invasion.

Marcus Schrenker, who conned seven people out of roughly $250,000, and was subsequently ordered to pay around $500,000 in reparations. Bad day at the office indeed. Come home to find your wife wanting a divorce?

Nothing left to do but fake your own death in a not so elaborately planned plane crash, ending in a not so elaborately planned botched suicide attempt.

Even though he did get high points for running into police and showing them his real ID (full name and all), you just don’t make quite the same splash faking your own death as y ou do juicing up the seed of your loins one last time.

Thank you, and goodnight.

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