It looks like our first spotted supervillain has fully made himself known.
Four dead bodies have been found in the backyard of Ray Lewis.* Oddly enough, we don’t even suspect Steel Thunder. I’m still never forgiving him for the Santonio Holmes thing.
However, it’s obvious he paid the refs off Sunday in order to make his name change not a totally ludicrous thing.
Let’s ignore for a second the punches Cardinals offensive and defensive lineman were throwing all night, (the refs sure did) and instead focus on the mistakes Mike Pereira, head of NFL officiating, admitted were made.
Also, we need to be honest for a minute and point out that a lot of those punches were directed at Hines Ward, and we all know he’s a total douchebag and totally deserved all of them.
Little known fact, Hines Ward is actually pronounced “Hans Vard.” It’s true, look it up.**
Pereira admitted that Santonio should’ve been flagged for excessive celebration which would’ve cost Pittsburgh 15 yards on the kickoff. That kind of changes things when you’ve got Larry “My Dads A Journalist” Fitzgerald, Anquan “Angryface” Boldin, and that other guy nobody gives a shit about. Plus, Kurt Warner had God on his side man.*** God. Steel Thunder went against God and won, man.
This just doesn’t sit right with me.
All this just so that Pittsburgh could totally piss me off by renaming itself “Sixburgh.”
Somebody needs to get Ray Lewis’d for that.
At least the ads kicked ass.
* – Yeah, I made this up, so fuck off.
** – This is totally true, you can quote me on it.
*** – Same here man, same here.