Holy shit that was a long time gone and to be honest nobody really knows what happened there for awhile. Let’s just say it was an unfortunate event involving a lot of tequila, a donkey, a case of Cuban cigars, and four custody cases, and move on, shall we? (Our lawyers won’t)
My lawyers have instructed me to inform you all how our Not-So-New-Millennial Fun Time Relaunchgasm has changed us and that we here at Modern Hero are going to devote ourselves to providing you with quality content (also to stay 1,000 yards away from any and all school districts) but to be honest, I can’t. Because that’s not what we do here at Modern Hero News (or at any news agency), because that’s not what you want. You want shit. Lots of it. In small bite size chunks. (Like chicken nuggets, or Cheetos)
And that’s what we’re great at providing you.
We promise to bring you the lowest, trashiest, and skankiest news that we can find.
And to break it into easy to read bits so that all can read. (Because we don’t know anything else)
All so that you can feel just as sexy as we are everyday of our lives (at least that’s what the Korean prostitute down the street says).
Dictated but not read
Fat Old White Guys