Imagine driving through Texas, just across from the Mexican border with half a pound of the dankest Blue Diesal on the planet.
Now there’s only two possibilities. Either you’re my favorite drug dealer and you’re late, or you’re Willie Nelson and you’re about to get your ass kicked by some ole’ assholes. Fortunately for me, I got my shit. Unfortunately for Willie, so did he.
Either way it won’t really matter:
“You can bet your ass I’m not going to be mean to Willie Nelson,” Hudspeth County Attorney C.R. “Kit” Bramblett told CNN Monday, confirming his plea recommendation….
….No court date is set, but Bramblett said he would recommend a plea deal for Nelson that includes the legendary country artist singing his 1975 hit “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.” The courtroom performance would serve as his community service, he said.
He would also ask for Nelson to pay a $100 fine and court costs, he said. The sentenced could also be deferred, which means it would fall off his criminal record after 30 days of good behavior, he said.
$100 and two hours of my life? Well fuck me over sideways and call me Aunt Sally, why didn’t I get that deal when I went in on intent to distribute charges last time?
That was in Tijuana, but still, you would’ve thought that prison guard that accepted my bribe would’ve had some sense of principle.
Still, Willie may not be totally out of the woods:
The final decision, though, will be in the hands of Judge Becky Dean-Walker, who seemed irritated by media reports Monday concerning the proposed plea deal.
“My court is not a jester court,” Judge Dean-Walker said. “I understand that people are star stuck, I’m not one of them.”
But the press statements did confirm everyone on the planet who’s ever been busted’s suspicions of what happened to their “contraband.”
Bramblett joked that while Nelson was initially charged with possession of six ounces of pot, which would put the case out of his jurisdiction, he and the sheriff smoked or threw out enough to bring it into his jurisdiction.
Misdemeanor possession of less than two ounces carries a maximum of 180 days in jail and a $2,000 fine, although jail time is rare in such cases, according to Texas criminal lawyer George Reul.
Or threw out…. I’m sure Kitt. I’m sure.
Smoke on deputy. Willie.
I hope you burn in jail.