Meet Anna Chapman. Or re-meet Anna Chapman (….hahahah meat….).
She’s one of the 27 Russian nationals busted last year in a spy ring for sending information back to the Federation. (She can send me anywhere she wants). She’s currently in Russia and predictably being celebrated as a hero. (I’d hero her).
Now meet Anna Chapman. Face of the new United Russia youth movement, and predictably, man bait for recruitment. (I’ll be her bait).
She’s also tipped to land a seat in parliament. (She’d like my parliament).
Most news outlets clearly seem to miss the point, but nobody else has. (She sure won’t miss mine! Yes! Got one!)
The irony is, of course, that Anna Chapman is being rewarded for doing her job badly. Not only was she duped by the FBI into blowing her cover, but she apparently failed to turn up any useful information for Moscow. Espionage charges were not brought against a single member of the spy ring, as there was no indication that any classified information had been accessed. Prosecutors instead had to settle for charges of “failure to declare foreign agent status” and money laundering. Chapman and the other nine agents were exchanged for just four American spies. As US vice president Joe Biden put it: “We got back four really good ones. And the 10, they’ve been here a long time, but they hadn’t done much.”
To that, I say…. Boobs. /argument
Her new show Mysteries of the World with Anna Chapman is now reaching the hearts and minds of millions of Russian’s a day. (I need Russian cable).
She also posed for several lucrative men’s magazines. (And Russian…. internets?).
One problem though:
She did, however, turn down a role in a porn film, despite being offered a “substantial” fee by the Vivid Entertainment adult-film company.
She’s a witch! Burn her!