Tag Archives: the common man is my bitch

Toddlers and Alcohol. A Thought Experiment.

What do you do when you take your toddler to Applebee’s and notice several minutes after the bartender brings him a drink he’s talking to a wall belligerently and falling asleep in his plate of chicken tenders? Ask why the … Continue reading

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Lunatic Burns Koran, Goes To Jail

No it wasn’t Terry Jones media darling, and the entire reason the Middle East hates Afghanistan (what? they hated us BEFORE also!?). It was noted lunatic and racist British political party leader Sion Owens of the British National Party. Showing … Continue reading

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All Of Armenia Wired To One Phone Booth

In what appears to be the first strike against our formerly nominated Modern Hero of the Week The Internet, all of Armenia has been cut off from it. The 75 year old woman had been scavenging for copper at the … Continue reading

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A Note On Our Alternative Editor, John M. Keller

That fucker went to rehab!

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NFL Lockout-opolis: Second Lawsuit Filed Before First Finished

In a stunning and totally foreseeable twist in the NFL lockout saga, a second lawsuit has been filed for an injunction by a long list of retired players and a few more yet-to-be players claiming they will suffer the same … Continue reading

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President Receives Award With No Amount Of Irony

In a great showing of support for the work our President has done to open the doors to the White House, Mr. Obama has been given an award from the organizers of the Freedom of Information Day Conference for his … Continue reading

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Ferrari Fun For Free

The most horrible thing you can do during your editorial test drive of a new limited edition Ferrari? Crash it. Something tells me he’s made that phone call before. A note from Motor Authority on the matter: All we can … Continue reading

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Modern Hero of the Week: The Internet

Every week we here at Modern Hero News Network like to honor just that certain special kind of asshole with a certain special kind of asshole award. This week’s unfortunate contribution to the gene pool is: Modern Hero of the … Continue reading

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Will Smith’s “Abomination”

In a world gone mad, one man must ensure he acquires the rights to every movie starring a child actor ever made. Starring Antonio Banderas as Will Smith it’s Absurd Filmic Atrocities. Coming soon to a theater near you. Why … Continue reading

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Where can I buy one?

It’s hard to imagine someone being so stupid as to actually bring up slavery in the context of a $9 billion dollar labor suit between less than 5,000 people but Adrian Peterson went there. Part of the reason I originally … Continue reading

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