Monthly Archives: January 2009
Jay Mariotti Wants You To Know
that “Roger Ebert, whom I’ve met once, can kiss my ass.” That’s douchebag Chicago sports psuedo-journalist Jay Mariotti on recovering thyroid and salivary gland cancer patient, Roger Ebert.
Modern Hero of the Week: The Prospector – John Rempel
Every week we here at Modern Hero News Network like to honor just that certain special kind of asshole with a certain special kind of asshole award. This week’s unfortunate contribution to the gene pool is: John Rempel Continue reading
Dan Reeves to Continue Rampage Upon NFL Teams
Former Bronco’s head coach Dan Reeves wants another shot at the NFL. Which is no different than any other year, except that this year someone’s listening. Continue reading
What We Missed: Week of January 23rd, 2009 Edition
Hahahahahahaha, they want me to believe she’s what? Oh, the Virgin MARY. For some reason, Chile doesn’t like boobs. Yep, breasticles take center stage again. Fuck you, stop judging me. On that note, more candidates for marriage make themselves heard. … Continue reading
Scott Pioli Puts An End To Hermisms
Looks like the lovable bungling idiot thing wears off quick when you’re bad at your job. Who would’ve thought? After much speculation, and far too many second chances, Herm Edwards has been shitcanned today. What’s the plan now Scotty? Apparently, … Continue reading
We Love Beer.
So we’re late. Thought I had a few articles set to post but, nope. Oh well, so let’s kick it off with an ode to everyone’s favorite intoxicant, beer. ‘Ray beer! Turns out it’s the fiftieth anniversary of our favorite … Continue reading
Paper Readers Are Dead, Long Live Our Site
That’s it, I’m calling it. As of 3 A.M. Wednesday morning, the newspaper is dead. It’s death follows the dismemberment of the magazine, which was left on life support about this time last year. Continue reading
Belkin Buys Positive Reviews, Get In Before The Lawsuit
In what will easily become the best marketing move of the century, Belkin was recently caught red-handed buying positive reviews for one of their god awful routers. Continue reading
Journalist Writes About Own Death
I’ve got nothing funny to add to this. This guy is just a serious badass, the article he wrote is entitled And Then They Came For Me.