Monthly Archives: January 2009

Jay Mariotti Wants You To Know

that “Roger Ebert, whom I’ve met once, can kiss my ass.” That’s douchebag Chicago sports psuedo-journalist Jay Mariotti on recovering thyroid and salivary gland cancer patient, Roger Ebert. Advertisements

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Modern Hero of the Week: The Prospector – John Rempel

Every week we here at Modern Hero News Network like to honor just that certain special kind of asshole with a certain special kind of asshole award. This week’s unfortunate contribution to the gene pool is: John Rempel Continue reading

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Dan Reeves to Continue Rampage Upon NFL Teams

Former Bronco’s head coach Dan Reeves wants another shot at the NFL. Which is no different than any other year, except that this year someone’s listening. Continue reading

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What We Missed: Week of January 23rd, 2009 Edition

Hahahahahahaha, they want me to believe she’s what? Oh, the Virgin MARY. For some reason, Chile doesn’t like boobs. Yep, breasticles take center stage again. Fuck you, stop judging me. On that note, more candidates for marriage make themselves heard. … Continue reading

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Scott Pioli Puts An End To Hermisms

Looks like the lovable bungling idiot thing wears off quick when you’re bad at your job. Who would’ve thought? After much speculation, and far too many second chances, Herm Edwards has been shitcanned today. What’s the plan now Scotty? Apparently, … Continue reading

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We Love Beer.

So we’re late. Thought I had a few articles set to post but, nope. Oh well, so let’s kick it off with an ode to everyone’s favorite intoxicant, beer. ‘Ray beer! Turns out it’s the fiftieth anniversary of our favorite … Continue reading

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Paper Readers Are Dead, Long Live Our Site

That’s it, I’m calling it. As of 3 A.M. Wednesday morning, the newspaper is dead. It’s death follows the dismemberment of the magazine, which was left on life support about this time last year. Continue reading

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